I Dreamed I Was Flying in My Maidenform Bra

Who can forget an ad like this one: I have a misty childhood memory of a Life magazine on my parents' coffee table. In the back page is an airbrushed ad of a goofy lady, ala Peter Pan, flying in her underwear. She is murmuring with ecstasy, "I dreamed I was flying in my Maidenform Bra". As a Brownie and a Catechism class attendee, I thought to myself, "How gross!" The underworld of underwear was strange and yucky.

Last night our family went to the mall for a bit of shopping. Somewhere between the 1898 German Carousel Replica in the entrance and the chocolate chip cookie kiosk, we passed a Victoria's Secret store. There was a ten foot high poster of a woman wearing underwear and sunglasses in the window.

My four year old boy, Ranin saw it and said in disbelief, "I saw a picture of a lady in her underwear! Yuck!" "Yeah, yucky," I said. "Yeah, yucky," the others agreed.

What is this society that shamelessly posts photographs of women wearing their skivvies in public places? But then I thought about it. What is our perspective? What about National Geographic and the Discovery Channel?

Think of all the times you've seen documentaries on TV about Papua New Guinea or the Amazon. What about the movie, "The Gods Must Be Crazy!"? Those places are full of topless women. Maybe they're being exploited. Why hasn't anyone spoken up for them?

I think the sisters of the world could unite over this. We could appeal to Sting or Paul McCartney to do some benefit concerts for a cause we could call Bras for Africa. Or perhaps Bras for the Third World?

Think of all those women who have never even seen a bra, never mind dreamt of flying in one.

At this point, I have to say that, not like Dave Barry, I am making this up. It was just an amusing thought I had that made me laugh harder and harder the more I thought about it. I imagined fundraising tables set up in front of Departments of Motor Vehicles and Post Offices. Tables and big posters with mounted photographs showing saggy examples from around the world. Maybe spokespersons like Dolly Parton or Jane Russell could appeal to the public for support (no pun intended.)

It could start a new kind of solidarity among women! Let's march together for the right to wear itchy elastic and wire torture chambers!

The really funny part of this whole thing is that it is the one article of clothing that most women can't wait to get away from when they go home. Nothing makes a statement quite like snaking the thing out of one sleeve and hanging it from a nearby lamp, or even from the ear of one's husband.

Maybe the bra burning protesters of the 1960's had the right idea after all. I Dreamed I was Burning My Maidenform Bra. I'm going to have to call Dolly and tell her to cancel her appearance at the DMV next week.