Crouching Glutton, Hidden Cupcake

The column is from last year, one day when the kids were discussing their last night's dreams. Tymon, a 13 year old boy with curly brown hair, is seated at the table having lunch with his brother, Ranin, a solidly built boy of 10 with a blond crewcut, and his sister Gracie, an 11 year old girl with a pretty face and long, light, brown hair. They are eating and laughing uproariously.

Tymon: So I was having this dream, and I had to pee, and I was trying to pee, and I was standing there dying because I had to go so bad, and I was yelling COME ON, COME ON, but my body knew I was sleeping and my body was saying Nooooo, don't pee, you'll wet the bed!!! But I didn't know I was dreaming, I really had to go and somehow I woke up JUST IN TIME!

Gracie: Me too, me too, that happened to me too...

Ranin: Me too, and you're in the bathroom and someone's pounding on the door and you can't go...

Tymon: But last night I dreamed this guy was chasing me shooting poison darts --

Gracie, interrupting: Me too, I had a dream about poison darts too...

Ranin: Me too, it must be because we just watched Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls....

Gracie: Yeah, well I was in this place and these evil ladies were making poison darts, and when I came in the room they said, THERE SHE IS! And they started chasing me and this girl and we were running but all of a sudden we couldn't run and it-- was -- like---sloooooowww-- mooooo-tion-- and we --had--no--strength and we couldn't move and they were coming at us in real speed --

Tymon: Yeah that happened in my dream too, (makes agonized face) I was trying to run away but I had no strength and my voice is gone and I can't scream, and when I try to punch them there's no power -- Like I use all my force to punch and it's like, stopped, it just won't punch.

Ranin: Yeah, like, when, when the zombies, it's like when the zombies, when the zombies come after you and you're terrified and running and trying to scream and the darts hit you,

Tymon: Yeah, the darts hit you and you, like, you can't moooove, be---cause---you're dying......

Gracie: Hey, you guys interrupted me -- I was telling my dream --- so then I was in this building and it turned into a parking lot -- and these guys were chasing me and I was trying to do my red belt self-defense moves but I had no power --

Ranin: Hey! That reminds me! Do you remember when Michael got sick in the locker room at Hapmudo?

Gracie: Huh? When? Hey wait a minute, I was just telling my dream--- but what happened?

Ranin: Last week after class. He went in the locker room and put a penny in his mouth and it got stuck and so he put his finger down his throat and he threw up in three places in the locker room...

Tymon: Did you try to help him?

Ranin: I did but you know when someone throws up, then you start going like this: (Demonstrates his tongue protruding from his mouth and going back in, then his tongue protruding again and going back in, kind of like a gag reflex) And I thought I was gonna be sick, I felt it come up into my throat and I made it go back down --

Gracie: Oh YUCK, I don't want to hear about that.

Ranin looks at her gleefully, demonstrating the gag reflex a few more times. She covers her face in disgust making noises of distress.

Tymon: Why didn't you try the Heimlich maneuver?

Ranin: What's that?

Tymon: It's where you put your arms around them from the back and force your fists against their stomach and whatever's in their throat pops out.

Ranin: Oh.

Tymon: And if that doesn't work you try the hiney maneuver.

Ranin: What's that?

Tymon: That's when you pinch their butt and they scream and whatever's stuck in their throat pops out.

Ranin: You remember the movie, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, when they were up on the treetops?

Tymon: Yeah.

Ranin: Well, how did they do that?

Tymon: Like when your cupcake is on the table and nobody's looking and I take it. It's a trick!

Gracie: Hey who took my cupcake?

Tymon: I don't know. It was prophesied in your dream.